Girl's Diary (07/11/2006)
Flash Fiction From The Vault
This is the kind of fictional satire one may find oneself writing after working endless split shifts chained to a pizza oven on long, summer days with a crew full of teen-aged girls in the mid-aughts.
Girl’s Diary
07/11/2006
Dear Diary,
I’ve been searching for the perfect bathing suit for Sally Weatherbee’s swimming party on Saturday. There’s going to be so many boys there, I don’t know what I’m going to do! I’ve been dieting like crazy, but the pounds don’t seem to “melt away” as fast as those commercials say they will, and I’ve almost taken half the bottle of pills! I guess I’ll have to keep praying!
No one has asked me to the party yet, and I’m sure it’s because of my thighs. I hate the pants my mother buys me! They all make my butt and thighs look so fat. It’s like she can’t live with herself unless I look as bad as she does.
If Bobby Mac doesn’t ask me to the party, I’ll just die. He’s got those baby-blue eyes and that hair... and I love how his pants droop around his tight little butt! It’s so gangstah! God, please let him ask me. Please, please, PLEASE!!! If he asks Marcy, I swear I’ll just curl up in a hole somewhere and die!
No one has asked me yet, and I think it’s because God knows that Bobby Mac and I are meant to be together! I know that has to be the reason! He wouldn’t put someone like Bobby Mac on Earth for anyone but me! I don’t even care what my friends say about him! I don’t think it was him who got Jodie Banks pregnant, I think she started that lie because he wouldn’t date her! God wouldn’t let that happen because Bobby Mac is mine. God put us here for each other!
OMG, my dad wouldn’t let me drive to the mall today just because I ran into the fence while I was on my cell phone! He said if I drove, I’d have to leave my cell phone at home! AT HOME! Like, HELLO! Why go to the mall if I can’t talk to my friends? Dad is so clueless!
SO there was this really hott boi at Hot Topic today, and he smiled at me, but I think he was a goth, and I don’t really like goths so much because they wear all those black jackets and the pointy metal finger armor in the dead heat of summer, and I so want a guy who would like just wear his boxers or something to the mall in summer. That would be so kewl. I mean, he was hott, but not as hott as Bobby Mac. Bobby Mac is like so hott, and I don’t want you to think I don’t love him because of this Hot Topic guy, God. I still love Bobby Mac more than anything... well, except for someone like David Bowie or James Blush. Hah, like that’s gonna happen!
So Marcy squirted mustard on me and got my white tank all gross, and wouldn’t you know it was just when Bobby Mac and his crew walked by! I think he was laughing, but I don’t know what he was laughing at. I think it might not have been at me, but who knows? God, please don’t let it have been at me! So yeah, obviously Marcy and I aren’t talking anymore, and I just think that she’s jealous of me because I know she likes Bobby Mac, and she knows that me and him were meant for each other. God is on my side on this!
Bobby Mac likes all the same music I like and everything! I heard him playing a CD and I bought it (I was gonna buy it anyway) and I was really surprised when I heard him playing it, and I looked at Marcy and was like OMG I was go gonna buy that! I shouldn’t have said like anything to her, because she was totally jealous. It was really sad to see how delusional she’s gotten in the hormonal throes of adolescence. I’ll pray for her.